“We are living in unprecedented times.”
Is anyone else really, really tired of hearing that? I am. I’m exhausted. I think it would be great to live in boring, precedented times for a while. At least until we all catch our breath. I wish it worked that way.
Political stress is on the rise. The American Psychological Association’s 2024 Stress in America survey found that 77% of US adults are significantly stressed about the future of our country, with 56% afraid we are seeing the end of democracy. Many of us are facing the loss of essential services we depend on. National politics is collective by nature, so we are all affected regardless of our personal beliefs.
Chronic political stress harms our physical and psychological well-being—we may lose sleep, lose our tempers, and obsess over events and ideas. Physical symptoms like fatigue, headaches and stomach pain are common. We experience a range of emotions like worry, frustration, despair, disgust, and outrage, and we engage in conflicts with real-life consequences.
These are all normal reactions to uncertainty. Humans crave security. We need to feel that we have control over our lives and can protect our loved ones. Uncertainty on such a large scale is ideologically destabilizing. Everything feels wrong.
So, what do we do? How do we adjust to a “new normal” that changes day by day?
Dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) gives us a tool called radical acceptance. The term may be new, but its spirit is well-known in the serenity prayer. Radical acceptance is the ability to accept, without judgment, situations that are outside our control. To accept the things we cannot change.
Accepting the situation does not mean we agree with it. It means looking reality in the face and acknowledging this is how it is, not wasting time wishing it was different. Accepting also does not mean forgiving—forgiveness is an act of kindness to someone else, but acceptance is an act of kindness to ourselves. It gives us permission to let go and move on, and to experience joy despite the changes in our lives.
For some of us, pain is comfortable or familiar. It may be the only thing that feels right. But pain is like rust: over time it eats our insides and makes us weak. As much as it soothes us, we have to let it go.
Some of us avoid pain at all costs. Feeling the agony of the moment (and accepting it) seems too hard. So we distract with social media, get lost in a game, pretend it isn’t happening—anything to make it go away. The problem with pain is that the more we resist it, the bigger it grows. Avoiding uncomfortable emotions causes long-term problems like depression, anxiety, and addictive behavior. It also prevents us from being happy.
Radical acceptance is not being nihilistic or numb. It’s about feeling the emotions that come with loss of control, but not holding onto them. Easy to say; very hard to do.
I’m not great at radical acceptance. I wish I was, especially at 3 AM when my brain plays a highlight reel of all the things that still hurt. But practice makes progress, and progress makes change.
Here are some ways to practice radical acceptance and feel less overwhelmed by the world:
Pay attention to the things you can’t accept. What triggers resistance? What do you try hardest to avoid?
In a safe space, feel your emotions. Let them all in, no matter how painful. But set a timer: after 10 or 20 minutes pass and the alarm goes off, move on.
Be curious about your emotions. Watch them like you’d watch clouds in the sky or fat fish in a pond. Notice where they sit in your body, what color they are, or if they have a temperature.
Accept that life can be worthwhile even when you’re experiencing pain.
Accept that you can’t change the past. It happened, and you can still have a good life.
Recognize that these feelings will fade in time even though they are painful now. Today is not forever.
Focus on what you can control. Doing something to make your part of the world a better place will make you feel productive and empowered.
One of the best ways to cope with stress is to spend time with others. Our brains crave community even more than they crave control. With the right people, sharing our problems cuts them in half. Just venting and being heard is healing. Remember, however you’re feeling, you are not alone. At The Gathering Place, we have all been through times that felt too hard to survive—but here we are.
Above all, be kind to yourself. Some of us have a lower tolerance for uncertainty than others, and that’s okay. Seeing people who look totally calm no matter what life throws at them, it’s easy to wonder why we can’t be that strong. The thing is, you ARE that strong. Strength doesn’t always look like calm; in fact, it usually looks a lot like freaking out. You’re doing better than you think.
The world will change again tomorrow, but we can choose how we respond. To quote Robert Frost (or Nine Inch Nails): “the way out is through.” We will get through this. The times may be unprecedented, but so are you.
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