The Power of Being Selfish in Early Recovery

When I talk with people about recovery, one message I try to share over and over is this: at the very beginning of your recovery journey, it is not only okay to be selfish, it is essential.

Recovery, whether from substance use or addiction, is a deeply personal process. As someone in recovery and a Recovery Coach and Certified Peer Specialist, I’ve walked this path myself and explored multiple pathways to healing. I’ve seen how different approaches like the 12 Steps and SMART Recovery emphasize different aspects of change.

The 12 Steps focus is on giving back, living selflessly, and being part of a larger community. SMART Recovery emphasizes taking your power back and doing the interpersonal work necessary for long-term success. Both approaches have immense value.

But here’s the truth: in the very beginning, the most important person you need to focus on is you. It’s a time to set boundaries, prioritize your mental and physical health, and do the often difficult work of untangling the patterns that have held you back. It’s okay to be completely focused on yourself, unapologetically so. This is not selfishness in the negative sense, it’s self-preservation and self-investment.

Think of it like this: you can’t pour from an empty cup. If you try to give, help, or live for others before you’ve rebuilt yourself, you risk burnout, resentment, or even relapse. Early recovery is a critical time to set the foundation for a healthier, more stable life. That foundation is built through self-care, reflection, and making the sometimes uncomfortable changes that will allow you to thrive.

Being selfish in early recovery is not permanent. It’s a phase. As you grow stronger, as your recovery becomes more stable, and as you begin to reclaim your life, you will naturally reach a point where you can give back, support others, and live selflessly if that feels right for you. But it all starts with focusing on yourself, unapologetically, and honoring the work you need to do to create lasting change.

So, if you’re just starting your recovery journey, know this: it is okay to prioritize your needs, your growth, and your well-being. Be bold, be brave, and be selfish in the service of building the life you deserve. Only then will you be ready to give to others fully and live the life you’ve been working toward.

By Trina Marquez, Executive Director, CPS, CPPS, Recovery Coach